It's been quite awhile since I've updated my blog. Summer was upon us, work was busy, kids were traveling, husband was out of town, one child had surgery and life was hectic. Just as quickly as summer had begun, it was over and the kids were returning to school. Where did the time go, and what exactly had I done all summer? It seems as if each moment was swept away just as quick as it came and some days, I don't even remember what it was about, except busy-ness.
This past weekend, I attended a Women of Faith conference in Indianapolis (www.womenoffaith.com ). What a crazy 2 weeks it was before I was supposed to leave to have a "girl" weekend and some God time. My husband is a State Trooper and had been out of town to work at the Indiana State Fair. I was a single Mom for about a week and a half and after day one, I began to pray for all the single Moms and Dads in the world. The night my husband left, my washing machine died. The repairman couldn't come for about 5 days, so I had to lug dirty clothes to my in-laws house to wash them (to which I'm grateful their machine was working!). Two days later, the bathroom light burned out. The next day, I went to work and realized that when I returned home, I would have to cook dinner. (gasp!) My husband is the cook in the family and has dinner on the table every night when I get home from work (and he cleans as he goes too! Yes, Ladies, he's all mine and you can't have him.) So day 5 of my husband being gone, I came home and had to figure out how to light the grill. Yay! I figured it out and Katie fixed the whole supper for us while the repairman raised the washing machine from the dead. Since it was dead for 4 days, just like in the Bible, I've name him Lazarus.
Ol' Lazarus was up and running, supper was on the table and life was good. Until the next day. While eating re-heated frozen pizza for dinner (cooking only last one night while the hubby was gone), I broke off half of my wisdom tooth. (Yes, I'm 38 years old and have never had my wisdom teeth taken out). So, I'm currently walking around with a snaggletooth until I can have surgery next week to yank out all of them.
My point in giving you a minute by minute play of my week before the conference is that I knew there had to be a blessing just around the bend because of all the stuff being thrown at me. My good friend, Wendy, and I left early Friday morning after putting the kids on the bus and raced to Indy to try to get there before it started.
We arrived to a huge stadium that would be filled with about 10,000 women. Wow. That many women, gathered to learn about and praise God, was an awesome sight and experience. The speakers were wonderful and each said something that was reflected in my own life and that I needed to hear. I laughed and I cried, until I was near dehydration because of all the tears.
Some points stuck out more than others and one in particular is what I have remembered since leaving the conference. In one story, speaker Sheila Walsh (http://www.womenoffaith.com/events/line-up/sheila-walsh/), talked about a time that she was hospitalized and that someone came to visit her. To really understand her story, you would have to hear her tell it, but the words someone told her was this: "The Shepherd knows where to find you."
In my life there has been times that I just felt I was alone in my struggles or no one understanding what I was going through. There were times that I felt I wasn't good enough for God to love me. Things that I had done that would disappoint Him so much that He would give up on me and leave me. But hearing those words Sheila said, "The Shepherd knows where to find you," grasped me and hasn't let go. Powerful.
At times when I would mentally huddle in my corner of sadness, hiding from the world, because if I could just keep it all bottled inside, no one would know that I was hurting on the inside. I'm the tough girl, who never cries, has it all together, and encourages others. Except when I'm alone. I'm by myself and no one can see me cry, no one can see that I've lost my cool in tough situations and I feel utterly alone.
But I'm not. I am not alone because "the Shepherd knows where to find me." He has never left my side, not once. Not while I'm keeping up the charade that all is well, that I'm not afraid, that I'm not anxious or worried. Never has He left my side. He knows where to find me and He knows where to find you and will give you comfort, peace, strength and anything else that you need to make it through the day. You just have to come out from being huddled in the corner, stand firm in your faith and call out to Him. He knows where to find you, you just have to reach out in faith and take His hand.
This conference changed my thinking and the way I've went about daily life since. At the beginning of this story, I talked about the busy-ness of life and how I didn't even remember what happened some days due to the busy-ness. Did I even talk to God on those days? This week I have been more conscious of making time and taking time to just spend with Him. That's what He longs for. In the car, I've turned down the radio and prayed for my husband and children. While doing the dishes, I've talked to Him about what he wants me to do for him this week. While drinking my coffee in the morning, I ask Him for guidance for the day.
No matter where I am; in the car, running kids everywhere, busy at work with hardly time to go to the bathroom, and so tired sometimes I just want to sit and stare, the Shepherd knows where to find me. And now, I know where to find Him, right beside me, all day long, every moment of the day or night, encouraging me while I encourage others, drying my tears as I cry on His shoulder, taking away the worry and anxiety that the Devil tries to throw my way.
Don't try to hide. Don't try to go it alone. The Shepherd knows where to find you. Let Him find you, take your hand and guide you to where He wants you to be. He will give you strength and courage.
You are not alone.
Ever.
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